i'm the kind that wont listen to people telling me that playing with fire may burn me.i'm the kind that have to get burnt before learning the lesson. And the sad part is that sometimes after learning the lesson, i unlearn them and get hurt again. I wonder if i'm really ignorant or ignorant by choice sometimes. Its strange that i rather spend brain cells thinking about democracy and philosphy and GE but not spend half the time sorting out my complicated life. Maybe i thought that time will sort out the problem by itslef, somehow, magically. Too bad reality dont work that way huh.

would you rather trust luck/fortune or instinct?

half the battle done. two more to go. two more to ace. two more before liberation.

不觉得痛
却觉得空

"You are the light of the world. Shine, and darkness will disappear."
Coelho

recently liked coelho on FB and i'm practically liking all his status. very inspirational stuffs, especially when i'm fighting a war here.
i should be studying, instead i'm learning very random things, like the speech where obama quoted coelho, or the medieval era, or how singaporeans clocked more than 2000 working hours annualy, toping SEA. seriously Leonie..

never more grateful for the people around me.
<3

how come nobody finds it ironic that the whole manifesto thing was first picked up by communist and is now used in so-called democratic parties?

爱让我们流多少眼泪？

half a day full of political debates, both inside my head and with a friend.
its a good change for once, though very mentally draining.
i totally agree civil society is important, but thats not the point.
the point is how many people actually care enough to not just criticize but think of alternative, to debate issues on ethics and morality and justice, to actually make a difference? complaining is easy, talk is cheap, and thats why they are hardly constructive at all.
its sad to think that people no longer take time to actually think about so many things that affects them. the concept of time has really changed, and life for that matter.
pit yourself against those more intelligent, or those that have seen more of the world than you do, because only then will you be humbled.

plus i'm finally not taken as some damsel-in-distress by egoistic mcp. its really nice to be for once taken as a serious friend for political discourse, no pressure.
fate really does work in very miraculous ways.

going to(new) secret place tml. cant wait

plan A (short term plan) first things first, find someone that does not have such a common name you hear it everywhere in conversations, in movies bla bla or else guilt level multiplies. especially when you just made time for friends, but not him
plan B (long term plan) find someone better. find someone serious. find someone that will be not only be parental-approved but also best-friends-approved. find someone that can put up with weird habits and fragile emotions. find a real life equivalent of roarke.

p.s. watching bridget jones and hoping that nice guys are not extinct yet.

"The idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting"
-Andy Warhol

we're on the way to becoming real friends, something more than just hi-byes
whether or not there's anything more, only time can tell
i'm glad someone supports this theory.
i'm feeling super vulnerable these few days, which is hardly a good sign at all
need to escape, even if its just for a while.

too many wow-moments jam packed within 24hours.
Blessed!

haven't had so much fun for a while :)

its hard to find someone that talks on the same wavelength as me, that can challenge me and yet not appear intimidating at the same time. Its hard to find someone to hold a conversation about Machiavelli, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, politics, golden ration, v-formation, atheism, the English language, Singapore's history, the abstractness of time and so much more, all within three hours. it was good time spent, plus we get to explore Singapore, disguising the fact that we got lost for a bit.

then again, its even harder to find a bestest that is always there for me. for the childish movie and much needed water and drive back to hall plus depressing/confused talks and for always believing in me. i cannot ask for a better friend.

i'm not good with words, but i'll try to explain
its like he's always not here with me, even though at times i push him away from me.
its like i miss him so much it doesnt matter anymore,
because i've learnt to live without him.
i'm not in any way needy, and i enjoy my freedom in every way.
the thing is, he's not my priority, and i dont want to be his priority.
we're meant for greater things, and we both know.
we've come to far to forget, but yet, we shouldnt continue deceiving ourselves.
maybe our time is up.
but the end of something is always a beginning of another.
i'm not actually afraid of losing him, i'm just afraid of losing memories of him.
it was a good relationship. not exactly the healthiest or least destructive, but nonetheless unforgettable. had been and always will be.

忘了是怎么开始
也许就是对你
有一种感觉

the game of seduction is so much easier than the game of love.
but wht's love anyway?
i think i need to start thinking about being in a more stable r/s, rather than well, love games that are (self) destructive and never lasts.

they all follow the same pattern: hi-bye to add on facebook to actually becoming real friend to msn convos to texts to calls to going out for a movie or dinner and to maybe becoming something more than just friends.
but most of the times i cant see those signs because i'm concentrating on being a friend, instead of potential lover.
and some where along the line i'll start hurting people.
so now once its at msn convos or text stage, i start keeping my distance.
this way, at least there wont be any losers.
and we get to keep the status as friends.
one of my new year resolution is to not break any heart, or at least minimise the chances. i'm still keeping scores.
so far, so good.

guilt, it's eating me alive
pressure, it's overwhelming me so bad.
but i hope love will anchor me back down and make the fight all worthwhile.

i'm sorry for being a bad friend/lover/insecure ever-whinny-and-complainy bitch sometimes.
i dont know why people are still standing by me after all these while because i never thought for a second that i deserve all these awesome people in my life.
its in trying times that i really see who the real friends are and trust me, i'll catch grenade(s) for these people.
<3

yst was just a trial run, a test drive; but i've understood what my heart really wants
and i'll try to not fight it.

When you go for a battle, you dont think of what you'll do when you lose. you'll think how to make sure you win.
not really a word for word transcription, but that was roughly what the PM said in KRMF, and it really struck me.
sometimes, there's no plan B. the plan really, is just to continue believing and fighting for what you stand for. because if you dont stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

anywy, stumbled upon this lovely article by coelho. it's brilliant and i am so psyched that he've got a new book coming soon.

10sec reading: how to achieve inmortality.
When he was still a young man, Beethoven decided to compose a few improvisations on a music by Pergolesi. He devoted months to this task and finally had the courage to publish it.

A critic wrote a full page review in a German newspaper in which he launched a ferocious attack on the music.

Beethoven, however, was quite unshaken by his comments. When his friends pressed him to respond to the critic, he merely said:

‘All I need to do is to carry on with my work. If the music I compose is as good as I think it is, then it will survive that journalist. “If it has the depth I hope it has, it will survive the newspaper too. “Should that ferocious attack on what I do ever be remembered in the future, it will only serve as an example of the imbecility of critics.’

Beethoven was absolutely right. Over a hundred years later, that same review was mentioned in a radio programme in São Paulo.

this too, can be said of politics. isn't it?

i believe that when the time is right, when the person is right, then everything will fall into place.

out of sight, but never out of mind.
thank you for being such an understanding one :)